I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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