woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
