So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
