you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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