i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
