So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
