I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
