I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
