i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
