How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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