HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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