I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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