BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
