i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
