I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
