Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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