I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just gargled with NyQuil
did i just pee glitter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
