Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
