I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
