i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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