I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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