Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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