I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
