instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
