So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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