then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
