His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
