Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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