So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
