i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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