Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
