Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
