Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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