Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
