someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
