When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
