I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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