If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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