my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
