Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
