May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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