he shaved USA in his pubs
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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