the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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