Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
