Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
