I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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