She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
