my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
