My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
