my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
