Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
