i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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