This is not my ceiling
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
