grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
