love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
