I wish I could teleport
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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